lost, help needed!!

lately its been very hard and sad i dont know i just feel dim. i dont know what to say what to do who to mingle with. its so chaotic a puzzle i cant solve. being in a crowded place but u feel so alone! can u understand this scenario? bet u cant cuz if u ask myself i also cant sure what is going on so how could u?! im trying to figure things out but i dont know whats missing... my essence? i dont even know myself that well i cant traced my essence. what is me?? i dont like that i dont like this i wanna runn run damn far away from here from this cycle from these people. is it the changes that ive done with me?? is that it, the real reason? like im wearing hijab now. so i like couldnt be that person i wanted to be? what man? i cant scream i talk less i astray from them. im just pissed at her at them at me. i wanna go back in time just for once to live the life i once cherish. my teens my school life. i miss school hate being a grown up. stupid adult!! i wanna have that one person that do crazy shits with me. not someone that ask u have u pray all the time??? dude no man. not yet i havent live it havent so please let loose! where is the adrenaline? i wanna live dangerously do exciting things go travel places see thins i wanna do that.. y is it so hard? its because i had enough adapting to surrounding. its always me keeping up with ur style. how bout mine? u cant take it?? this place is a bullshit! its better to be alone than with morons that sucks pain in the ass.. whatever