lost, help needed!!

lately its been very hard and sad i dont know i just feel dim. i dont know what to say what to do who to mingle with. its so chaotic a puzzle i cant solve. being in a crowded place but u feel so alone! can u understand this scenario? bet u cant cuz if u ask myself i also cant sure what is going on so how could u?! im trying to figure things out but i dont know whats missing... my essence? i dont even know myself that well i cant traced my essence. what is me?? i dont like that i dont like this i wanna runn run damn far away from here from this cycle from these people. is it the changes that ive done with me?? is that it, the real reason? like im wearing hijab now. so i like couldnt be that person i wanted to be? what man? i cant scream i talk less i astray from them. im just pissed at her at them at me. i wanna go back in time just for once to live the life i once cherish. my teens my school life. i miss school hate being a grown up. stupid adult!! i wanna have that one person that do crazy shits with me. not someone that ask u have u pray all the time??? dude no man. not yet i havent live it havent so please let loose! where is the adrenaline? i wanna live dangerously do exciting things go travel places see thins i wanna do that.. y is it so hard? its because i had enough adapting to surrounding. its always me keeping up with ur style. how bout mine? u cant take it?? this place is a bullshit! its better to be alone than with morons that sucks pain in the ass.. whatever

challenges @ obstacle

aku penat Ya Allah... kalau betul ini dugaan ko bagi utk aku berubah aku perlukan mase utk menerima semue ini Ya Allah. aku xtau sejauh mane kemampuan aku. benar aku kuat tetapi physically tu pun suam2 kuku jer... i need i dont know i just need to figure things out for me for people around me... saya perlukan petunjuk Ya Allah. saya semakin jauh dgn Kamu saye tahu. tetapi saya sangat perlukan sedikit lift from the burden im facing right now.. semuenyer rase terlalu berat buat saya utk menghadapinyer sekarang. aku penatlah setiap hari laui things that make me piss and angry. i dont want man saye nak cari kebahagiaan susah sangat ker? saye nak hidup happy living live to the fullest please help me achieve this.. bolehkah saye berpatah balik? dengan kate2 yg menyakitkan hati org2 di sekeliling saye.ade org yg memahami saye ker? masalahnyer saye saye tau sangat sayae cube sangat kat sini utk berubah tetapi kenape ade saje halangan buat saye?? saye xkuat Ya Allah tolonglah beri saya pertolongan dorongan dan sokongan. give me that one chance to make things right again with all the situations and people. i love them but somehow is it true that im the one who has to stand all these shits coming for years??? hmmm rn it feels like the end of the road. it really feels like it.

savages entry

i fucking dont care if anyone fucking reading this!! fuck u mutherfuker!!this fucking bullshit... i had enough asshole clinging and now ure asking to bring another mutherfucker with us?? what the fuck is wrong with ur fucking head?? u bitch son of a mutherfucking bitch?? acting like a fucking slut and asking for my fucking advice?? are u fucking nuts??!! fuck u fuck!! i had enough of u fucking people... dont fuck with my fucking life if u only know how to fuck with boys. go fuck with those boys and dont fucking be fren with me u slut! i just couldnt stand your mutherfucking flirtish attitude! annoys me like bullshit... fuck fuck fuck... so what if i love to curse its only because u babi people always love to fucking getting under my fucking nerve... no more bullshit man. just fucking dont contact me throughout this whole break. its call a break and im fucking need a break from u fucking moron...

Rector Cup

harini kitorg pg tournament badminton for uitm. name die rector cup. hebat an.. tapi me and my teammates sangkut xdapat jadi juara and naib juara kumpulan... aiyakkk! hahaha i couldnt help it i was so angry at myself for doing stupid mistakes and couldnt strive back at the opponents. benci!! geram!! stress!! hahaha well even the guys didnt manage to pass. it was a very tough call. we thought no LADANG would be easier but never ever underestimate man ur pihak lawan. never! even with microbe also got this one sepet guy suddenly so good. even farid the handsome also kalah. haiyaya. wahhh farid is one thing. baru tahu that handsome boyfriend of ally named farid. hehehe manyak belagak lah mamat tu. think hes so handsome like every girls wanna look at him and all. god get over yourself!! i used to like u not anymore! urghhhh damn cocky human! kbye malas nak cerite psl farid tu. so end up we malas already nak main the third game but we still wanna fall with pride but then the management suddenly said sambung tomorrow. heck u!! no way!! urghh i went to counter the president. he said nothing can be done the damn bus of uitm is coming. ouh god!! whateverlah u. the bus also sampai lambat we could have played a couple of round. so what the bus cannot wait? who has more power of course the students right? we could report! so what for to be scared of the bus driver?? aiya abang ni. TAMI also went to object the president's decision. love u TAMI. hehehe. quite tall very good playing badminton. smash i tell u if he lempang u mmg xde gigi the next day. he looks skinny and very boyish but his hand huh..very powerful. i think his group managed to get the second spot so they can go to the quarter final.congarts MI. always support u. here are some pictures for u to get of what has happened today at komplek belia KUALA PILAH. :D

babies

ouh god...its a very super duper tiring week for me..xdelah week pun from thurs to sunday kinda like 4 days... but still. ok bagi sesiapa yg nak kahwin muda sila baca entry saya kali ni ok!! fuhhhh i have to take care of 2 types of babies. sugie and these adorable creature cats. aben n ken nyong. yes!! kakak n adik aku sangatla creative bagi name. satu acam jepun cina pek pun ade satu like hmmm just put some name. wujudlah aben. pffft hahaha aben yg oren ouh kalau bahase kucing warnenyer dipanggil ginger. and ken nyong is a kucing siam. muay thai bak kate nana. hes very masculine unlike aben ia cam pondan skit.. lembik very soft suare pun cam xkluar.haha selalu kene gigit ngan abang die.since ken nyong is older we called him abang. nak tau kenape penat?? yelah dorg kan kucing jer.. well actually in ma house these pets are not treated as animal. to us they are apart of the family. yup! so here are the routines. warning its very hectic! 10.00-12/1.00 bersihkan tmpt tidur aben n nyong jemur kain alas bersihkan toilet dorg(scoop the shits of them!)kebas hammock buang pasir yg jatuh dalam tray.sapu bersih lantai habuk2 pasir2 yang ade then sometimes mop. since rumah ni ade 2 tgkt tapi im not that super duper concern so i just sweep ruang tamu dapur depan and dapur belakang. tu pun nak patah tulang aku! 12/1.00-.200 bagi dorg makan.these people makan nak suap ok! yessss mau disuapin!! aduh... kalau abang tgh suap adik pun nak skali x gila aku! kalau suap yg ni yg tu merajuk. huh ambik ko kiri kanan aku suap! nak sangat kan...habis hilang courtesy..LoL 2.00-4.00 teman main kat padang.nyong is very bongkak punyer cat. hes doesnt even wanna see other cats in his compound. so kalau 2 ekor ni main kat laman depan rumah mesti kene tgk takut nyong berasak dgn kucing liar kat luar tu... die eksyen jer lebih xkuat pun. dulu hilang seminggu balik habis luke sini luka sana survival skill xdak lansung! aben is never a worry to us one whole fam! die kalau boleh dgn anjing pun nak berkawan. haihhh. 4.00-6.00 tangkap kurung dalam sangkar pakse 2 ekor ni tido!hahaha nilah masenyer i can do something for myself seperti idk watching tv perhaps.pukul 6 nak lepas g laman rumah lagi nak bagi main kalau x aben t merajuk... aben kalau merajuk suke sangat menngadu nnt kalau die mengadu ade bunyi2 yg die keluarkan. die mcm bercakap cume kite x faham.. 6.00-7.00 lepas main tangkap!! masukkan dalam rumah. have i mentioned that these cats sleep inside? because we kesian kalau tidur kat luar very cold ker nyamuk sommore.now i usually wash up. 8.00-12.00 bersihkan sangkar dobby. dobby ialah sugar glider yang ade anak 5. so the whole family ade 7. super scary ok these people nak gigit my hand once. terus phobia. basuh tray bersihkan mangkuk potong buah buat susu die letak kain baru everything! n for the cats bersihkan bekas makanan nak letak for dinner plak air minum. scoop the shits again! everyday twice yalah mcm flush kan. LOL conclusion die... jage baby ni mmg bz. u just have to sacrifice yourself for them. i cant even watch my fav drama anymore. i have to squeeze my self between time to do anything. like right now i've done cleaning feeding and what else? just remember people! marriage is not simple nak menghalang maksiat?? cmon guys are u that critical? your life gonna change 360 degrees bak kate denabahrain. and shes totally right! here are some pictures that sooth my heart and yours :D

W@r Game

semalam ade war game...mcm paint ball lah citer die cume baling pkai water balloon. it was super fun ok... i was just a supporter but still rase cam yeay go PILAH FIGHTER... kitorg even cheered for eye hawk. team jay wira tiara. supporter of the night goes to seha and baba... weeee :D and hero of the night adalah AERIL ZAFREl yes!! faizuddin!! percaye x izu yang jadi hero of the night die yg dapatkan 2 2 bendera opponents. cool an...i know i know hahaha hebat sangat abang izu kite. LOL so here got some pictures for u viewers.. wish goodluck utk dorg mlm ni... semoge dorg menang!! aminnnnnn

empire shopping gallery

last two days..yeah 2 days rasenyer we went to LEX slide dekt subang... wahh tggu bf baba datang kutip me first then baru gerak pg seremban to meet up with baba and syahmi. dah sampai semban bapak r syahmi lambat!!!! lame betul tau panas sampai bersauna tggu mamat tu. okla lepas tu dah sampai seha naik krete dgn syahmi baba with ijat lah of coz. hahaha xkanlah seha naik ngn ijat plak. lame jokes huh.yeah thats me my jokes are damn lame i posted that on fb last time. pg r like... lame jugak nak pg sunway. mcm 1.30 hours mcm tu. lame kan. g melaka lagi lma mcm haram.hahaha well empire mcm tmpt loaded people that have so much freaking money and xtau mane lagi nak spend duit dorg. mase smpai baba cakap ijat nak singgah dulu rumah die nak kutip adik die. so seha ngn syahmi pglah tgkt 5 tgk entrance LEX tu. hmmm not bad. agak kecewe sebenarnyer mcm nampak ade budak ni main mcm xlaju pun... hmmm dalam youtube kemain laju. so amik gmbr bile pusing nampak kedai ni. usha r kejap ape kedai ni kan.... tgk punyer tgk punyer tgk last skali rase cam nak buat jugak sbb tgk bdk2 kat situ cam seronok dorg men warne2.. so kitorg pglah tgk statues yg ade... ade bntk anime ade frame.. last skali pilih patung one piece. dorg cakap name die chopper. who the hell knows him. i dont hahahaa xtgkla anime one piece kalau naruto tu tau la jugak. lame jugak si syahmi ni nak pilih.. i have decided mmg nk yg tu from the start. sebab bag die kosong so boleh r mcm isi barang... so i think for like 2 hours dok colour bnde alah tu. something like 70% SYAHMI yg colour... i got bored so pglah tgk bebudak main slide pg washroom. still x habis lagi die tu. fussy gler nak perfect. taula budak architecture tapi dahhh tu main2 jer bukan nak hantar assignment pun.. tapi it was fun la cuz my first time kan. seronok... rase mcm kiddos again. hahahaha toddles xsedar diri mcm ni r. after colouring baru main slide. LAJU rupenyer...hahahhaha oklah x mengecewekan. licin sebab tu laju. kan kadang2 ade slide yg kesat tapi yg ni fast n furious. best best. worth la.

ibu & bapak

wahhh seha sampai nangis teringat kat ibu n bapak. walaupun kite x rapat tapi bapak sorg jer yg seha ade. xboleh xboleh i cannot go on talk about my dad. nnt sure nak.nagis. dah la pakai mascara and eyelinerni...kang habis mcm monster. xsempat nak pg subang lagi. well cube teke seha update blog kat mane ni?? hahahaha dekat tangge sm5 uitm kala pilah...hahaha tggu ijazt baba punyer psl ade mase ni updatelah blog cheq ni huh...xsabarnyer nak main slide tu. ya Allah thrill gler ni. pastu hahahaha i was thinking actually am thinking still and will be thinking of ice skating huh seha bawak glove and socks siap kau! tapi syahmi kene balik awal. takut x sempat plak nak main sebab 5.30 cmtu dah kne gerak balik. xpe2 tu next time next time.hahaha bestnyer x sabar nak gerak ni. haihhh pilah pun xkeluar ade hati nak sampai. sabar sabar. yela dlm hidup ni kite sebenarnye kene banyak bersabar kan. mcm org mcm garam.haihhh xpe yg penting kite enjoyyyy onoknyer...safari lagi safari aku rase boleh ajak piqa. slide ni die xboleh pg. hmmm :( ade banyak kerje kat studio. lecturer die jahat hari sabtu pun nak torture budak tu. hishhh nyampah kalau x boleh join seha ngn syahmi sekali. im gonna take loads of pictures...saye irma hasmie harini...hahaha wahhh semoge jodohku handsome mcm suami irma hasmie jugak hahahahahahhha harapan! hidung kepek pipi tersorong2 dah lah pipi banyak lemak.k bye yolls ijat dah otw tu.

mgt

omg!!!save me!!! ya Allah betapa boringnyer kelas mgt ni. seha update mase kelaslah ni. i really just cannot couldnt handle this class anymore. it is so freaking damn boring. what i hate the most is the way she talks.die x confident in herslf its like die pun xpasti ape die sebut.pastu keep on bace slide je. damn xde preparation lansung!!! and u call urself a lecturer. someone yg mencurahkan ilmu ke org lain. ikhlas sikit boleh? lamak...stress tau mcm ni setiap sem mesti ade jer lecturer yg spoil mcm ni. dahla boring xmake jokes and xboleh handle org lain buat jokes.Z menyanyi pun kene marah what the hwck???whats the problem biarlah die menyanyi.dah lah kelas komputer tu xde function. kalau ade pun function mcm 30% jer... gosh! zera cakap seha makan banyak sekarang.ijat pun cakap mcm tu. yeker?? tapi seha lapar. maybe i shud stop this. kalau x mmg naiklah berat. dah la sekarang 52.8 kang naik sampai 55 baru nak menyesal its too kate then. urghhh susahnyer jadi perempuan nak jage bdan lah nak jage hatilah age pape jelah. bosan bosan bosan! itu ini u human freaking asyik nak judge people mcm bagus sgt. aku benci kau!! puas hati aku! menyampah sume ni. nak buat notes sir hafiz dah lame sgt x bukak buku law.3 damn weeks x jmpe die. rindunyer hahahahahahaha. a lecturer with me. wowo which is something not gonna happen today tomoro and ever...its so freaking acaawkward. very...kacau r fisya ngn baba ni. sebok betul interrupt.kn dah lupe kat mane dah ni.weyh lagi 1 jam doe.rase mcm nak larikan diri jer balik bilik. piqa ni lbab betul nak confirmkan. benci tau perkara lembab2 ni. sobar al khoir... haihhh bertentang mate dan bercinta kembali?? nampak gayenyer bukan begitu tapi lagi worst. skg mmglah but soon...i just hope it will be over for real. ape lagi nak merepek ni. lagi one hour rase mc forever!!! this is killing me. this feels like travesty. hahaha chloe is so pretty. die same height as me. weight not definitely chuck ngn nazi pun xdtg kelas. ijat pun. alep n kerol. ramai lagi esobonanyer. urghhh kalau pg toilet then lepak kat luar for at least half an hour rasenyer boleh ker? walaupun sir hafiz tu agak boring tapi at least die buat joke tau. die cakap psl stories... nak makan cornflakes!! eh salah vococrunch sedapnyer!! kalau dapat onoknyer... crunch crunch ngn su low fat yer not full cream.bahaye minum full cream.

website

ape bende ni????asking me to make my own website. alamak!! okay stop mengeluh cuz kak waida cakap sooner or later i have to learn these things pun anyway so my time is now. baiklah saya redha. balik ni fuh fuh entah bilerlah sebenarnyer kan saya nasihah bt mohd lajis akan bukak laptop saye dan mule membuat website ni.hahahaha ayat saye mcm india india kan! damn im in class and its so damn boring i just couldnt thing of anything better to do. fuh! ahaha mcm awal lah pulak. u know what behind all these shits actually ade jugak silver lightning yg tersirat. i still do love u but if waiting is it. then i will try my best. i'll try but not promising anything. ouh saye adalah sangat malas nak bukak laptop tu sebenarnyer. sangat2 kat bilik i rather listen to music play games practically phone lah.. laptop tu terperuk buat perkasam dalam bag. hahaha dulu bapak aku xbelikan laptop murung buat muncung duckface bagai. ok bye boleh balik xoxo love u

public relation

okay this is an assignment given to us.. we have to find a company that has a PR department so that we could interview the PR practitioner. so far only one crossed my mind. IJM land. its a housing company. they developed houses and practically plan a neighbourhood.from houses to schools malls anything everything uptown downtown which i have no idea whats the difference. LOL. so okay its a good choice might be the best but there is one big major super duper problem. the person that we gonna meet to get the info will be expected to be great fantastic bombastic. thats the thing that im really not fancy. well u see he/she will expect us students to speak bombastic english and i am super nervous when dealing with upper people even lecturers. so just imagine me talking to some higher level people. what if im stuttering? that means gagap. saya akan dan saya sangat positive with that. i have no problem talking to ejat or some other frens. but not my chinese or indian or some bombastic speakers. cuz i know my level of english is like wayyyyyyy at the bottom compared to them. this is hell seriously. so i just have to find a new company that doesnt need me to have a headache and a pain in the ass. but which company??? where not every company has a PR department. i bet ixora doesnt have one. i just couldnt think of any other than that. ouh wait jusco.yeahhhh that might be okay. excepted. gonna google jusco now and see what we got.